inbox

[pearlstrings]

bruce wayne @ᴡᴀʏɴᴇ @ʙʀᴜᴄᴇ audio & text

PLEASE NOTE: Bruce has two inboxes.

His official user id for the network is Bruce and if you meet in person, in the unlikely event he gave you his contact details, this is the ID he would give you.

That said, his conversations on the network have largely been under the id of Wayne, as a way to keep his two identities separated.
This is the username he uses most often and he will answer replies to that handle- there just seems to be no physical person on the registry to link it to.

Comments

[pearlstrings]

[Bruce has been 'talking to people' for most of his life. The murder of his parents had been a spectator sport, had invited speculation and reporters and Alfred- who had found himself at a loss, invited one detective in particular to come around. To attempt to be a voice of reason. After that there were doctors- professionals brought to the home in the wake of his survived abduction. Selina would look at him, sit beside him after a particularly difficult loss, but there was never a discussion.

No one ever said guilt and he suspects it's less because it was overlooked and instead- that everyone involved understood that it was a floodgate. Once opened, it couldn't be unopened.

And here's Riku, cleaving straight down the middle.
The bracer remains in his hand and Bruce looks at it, quiet. The corner of his mouth is pulled in a ghostly approximation of a smile- not because he's happy. But because it means something, to be seen.]

I feel guilty every day.

[equinoctials]

...

[ He's reminded of another man, who kept himself locked away inside a grand cathedral, afraid to do much more than look at the outside world and long to be a part of it. About someone who was afraid to be seen, who felt guilty about betraying a "protector" who didn't have his best interests at heart.

Bruce said to him he was trying to be more honest. As someone who struggles to open up, he recognizes the claw marks on what Bruce lets others see, what he reluctantly relinquishes. ]

I didn't know him. I wasn't very nice the first time we met. I can tell he meant a lot to you.
To still be here when he's not... I'm sure there's some well meaning person out there who would tell you not to feel guilty about it.
That's not me. But...


I don't think he would have wanted anything but the best for you.
That's not the same as letting yourself have it, is it?

[pearlstrings]

I suspect that's something you and I have in common.

[To Riku, who has served as a pillar of support for so many, perhaps he doesn't see anything extraordinary about the words he offers. The people around him, that love him and who he loves in turn- they've never asked him to let go of the past. No one has told him that it's time he 'get over it' as it were. But he can see it in their faces when he falls short of their expectations. He can see the moments when they want him to be better. Be more.

Bruce doesn't fault them for it. He too wants to be better, be more.]

But I've stopped trying to separate one from the other.

I will always carry this. I can carry it and stand still, I can carry it and walk forward.

We have to choose.

[equinoctials]

Staying still is as good as letting your heart be a prison.

[ Bruce hasn't given up. He says "we have to choose", but Riku sees how he's already chosen the path he wants to take, carrying all of it with him. These things that might have incapacitated a heavy heart are a part of him, they always will be.

Once, Riku told someone else something just like this. He'd said he wished he could take his own advice.

He's still got a lot of growing to do. ]

Let's do it.

[pearlstrings]

[How many things has Riku held himself back from because he couldn't justify it? That he felt he couldn't be allowed to feel in the wake of everything else? He's reluctant to call these moments turning points because it suggests that there is a hinge for them to swing around- that once they do, everything will be easier. Different. Better. He doesn't believe this to be true.

But the choice is what matters.
The choice is always what matters.]

I'll admit, it was easier to convince you than I thought it would be.

What changed your mind?

[equinoctials]

[ Riku stares at that message with his grip tight on his tablet, his face starting to burn. His first instinct starts with typing just take your win and, remembering Bruce and his attempt to be more honest, Riku deletes each letter, gaining ground on his own defensiveness. ]

Your courage.

[pearlstrings]

[It lapses him into quiet the way little else could. Bruce does not think of himself as courageous- perhaps because he sees examples of courage every day. People who have every reason to be cowed, to keep their head low, to keep quiet choose differently. They continue to hope for better in the face of tragedy and fear. And while Bruce can acknowledge that this is a path he tries to walk, he's not sure that his motivations are pure. Loss has made him selfish.

There's no point in dwelling on it. Riku has shouldered his morose temperament long enough. Besides, it's a kind thing to say. The truth.]

I'll meet you in the village?

[equinoctials]

[ Bruce reminds him, possibly without even meaning to, of what progress has been carved out of him. When Riku lost his life a second time, he had done so following his heart. He had done so without fear, without regretting his choice. Losing Kairi, losing Sora and Dawn, the confidence and certainty he had gained was shaken.

Loss has made Bruce selfish. Loss has made Riku afraid he'll keep losing everything he tries to hold onto, like wanting anything dooms it eventually.

He starts to type. If this goes on for a while, it's because he keeps deleting and starting over. That he chooses not to go with Sounds good. See you there. is a step in the right direction, he thinks. ]

I'll walk with you from the usual place. That okay?

[pearlstrings]

[There's a very long pause and instead of trying to fill the space, a move out of character for him even at the best of times- Bruce waits. He waits for Riku to finally accept or finally decline, to adjust the angle from which they approach or the lens through which this... shift, between them should be viewed. The anticipation isn't terrible, but Bruce is surprised to find himself in it all the same. It isn't unlike his first leap over the side of a building.

And then, at long last.]

Yes. I'll be waiting.