bruce "i'm kin with bats" wayne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pearlstrings) wrote2009-08-30 10:52 pm
pearlstrings) wrote2009-08-30 10:52 pm
inbox
bruce wayne @ᴡᴀʏɴᴇ @ʙʀᴜᴄᴇ |
His official user id for the network is Bruce and if you meet in person, in the unlikely event he gave you his contact details, this is the ID he would give you.
That said, his conversations on the network have largely been under the id of Wayne, as a way to keep his two identities separated.
This is the username he uses most often and he will answer replies to that handle- there just seems to be no physical person on the registry to link it to.
no subject
truthfully, peter’s not sure if he’s ever been in a position where he’s not been sure of his motives, where he’s looked back and been distrustful of his own feelings or thoughts. he’s emotional, he knows that, but being distrustful of himself is quite different to knowing, wholly, that his motives have been poor, or bad, or even questionable at best. well-meaning, probably, but in a selfish and self-serving way: when may had been shot and lay in a coma, he’d been totally dedicated to revenge and vengeance in a way that he knew he should have felt guilty for and about but hadn’t.
when it comes to other people — it’s a different matter entirely. peter’s aware he’d probably be described as naïve or exceptionally trusting, but it’s more so that peter prefers to look for the best in a person; and when he can’t, he doesn’t have a choice but to extend a degree of trust.
bruce is very particular in how he phrased things. peter’s sure that when he says can’t be trusted that it’s the phrasing he means. ]
I don’t know.
[ he knows he’s arrogant. he knows he’s prone to a belief that because of everything he’s seen and done and experienced, he — as spider-man — knows best in so many matters. he’s been called out on it more than once by cops, by the public. it’s something he often tried to remind himself of.
(and yet he still makes jokes.) ]
I think that’s just called being human. You make a choice and you think it’s the right one. You think you’re doing the right thing for the right reasons. If it goes wrong and you have to think about that why a little more deeply... I think you either learn from it or you don’t. You learn a little bit more about who you are as a person and the decisions you’re capable of making and for what reason.
I guess you can only learn what to trust by learning what not to trust.
And sometimes that’s going to be a painful lesson.
no subject
It's the collateral damage.
no subject
[ there's a delay between the first message and the second message — collateral damage, as much as peter wouldn't phrase it quite like that, is what bothers him. has always bothered him. hurt him. stayed with him.
ben was his first real loss, a reminder of what could happen if he made the wrong choice; whilst gwen remains his greatest mistake. ]
I've been there. I've made choices that I thought were the right ones when I made them and other people have suffered because of it.
They were the wrong choices, made for the wrong reasons. The wrong "motive", to use your term.
[ is message number two. he hasn't mentioned ben to anyone here; he's mentioned gwen, loosely and vaguely to quentin, but only as a point of reference, an example of shared understanding of knowing how it feels to lose someone you imagined spending the rest of your life with.
it's uncomfortable to spell out in text and he thinks that he'd be better at it in person. ]
I wish I could say there was a way to make sure you didn't make those decisions, but there isn't. You're not perfect. You're never going to make the right call 100% of the time, that's not how this works.
People are going to get hurt because of you and that's something you're going to have to carry with you for the rest of your life.
I'm going to be trying to make up for my mistakes for the rest of mine, and that's a small price to pay.
If I could go back and change them, would I? Would I make a different decision? Yeah. Of course I would. I'm human. I'm selfish.
But that ... I'm not going to call it collateral damage, because they were more than that. It's not a fair trade-off.
But it should bother you.
It means I do better next time. And the time after that. And the time after that.
You make mistakes. You make horrifying mistakes that you can't imagine making up for, but you try. That's what makes you different.
Or it should.
no subject
Bruce says collateral damage and isn't talking about the choices he makes being lobbed like a rock into the middle of a lake. He's talking about himself. Bruce believes that he is the thing that hurts people. He's the thing that implodes and scatters across their lives.
There's wisdom in Peter's counsel, to make better decisions- and he can see the value in that. It's something he strives to continually change, something he relies on the people around him for.
But he doesn't know to be a better person.
Maybe there's no helping that.]
Different?
no subject
The second part doesn't matter to everyone.
no subject
no subject
no subject
I suppose I was appreciating the nuance.
It sounds like you were given a very good piece of advice.
I'm grateful you chose to share it with me.
1/2
I normally get called corny as soon as I break out the "and my uncle once told me--".
Yes, it's important to me.
Yes, it's good advice. I guess what I'm saying is it took me a little while to appreciate what he really meant by it.
I always thought he meant power in a grand sense, but it turns out that everyone has the power to make a difference. You don't need to change the world, you can start with changing someone's world. Sometimes that's enough.
Maybe I should've opened with that one.
no subject
Responsibility's really the only way I can look at it — I'm pretty sure someone else would look at it in a different way. Duty, maybe, depending on their experiences and their perspectives...
But the fact that you care means something. If there's something I've learned, ever, it's that one wrong decision or action or even thought doesn't define a person. You grow. You move on. You become better than what you were. Your darkest moments aren't the ones that define you, it's the moments after that.
I've had 15 years to come to that conclusion, and I mean this in the least condescending way possible: you're still a kid. You've got time to figure out what's worth it for you.